meeting with my creative spirit

finding magic in my daily creations

Sometimes it feels like i will never stop being hard on myself. There are lulls, moments when i can find compassion and gentleness towards myself, but good lord is it hard. If you are a person who creates things, I am guessing you are like this too.

It feels like I haven’t created anything I am proud of since the last time I posted here. It’s particularly tricky when something I make gets lots of positive feedback- the swell in my chest when something I’ve created resonates with people is my favorite, and at times I begin to chase it.

And that’s not to discount the importance of art as a means of connection- because of course- but the chase for recognition never helps me make anything I feel great about. In fact, the things that usually end up resonating with people the most are the things I feel least confident in. Art is not better if it’s censored and tailored for positive reception. Still, I find myself overthinking everything I make. I have been so frustrated. I have (genuinely) worried I will never have another “good” idea. Extreme, maybe dramatic, but I often find myself living in those places.

In the midst of this creative anguish I’ve been moving through, I watched a workshop on creativity put on by one of my favorite artists of all time, Yumi Sakugawa. One of the key points she makes in her presentation is this:

What if it’s not about what you create, but rather taking the time to be with your creative spirit, to listen and tune into what it might have to say? What if that is enough?

I reflected on this idea for a while, what it would look like to meet with my creative spirit to hear whatever it had to say, and I was led into my basement where I keep boxes and boxes of journals from my lifetime. I took some of them out and spent time reading through them. I find something new each time I page through them, and this was no different.

(click through for a glimpse of Izzy from ages 11 to 18)

What I found was exactly what I needed: evidence of a life built on meeting with my creative spirit. Scribbles and poems and stories and collages, all created because I unabashedly stayed in touch with the creative side of myself. Not only was I in touch, I was up to my eyeballs in it.

Most of the pages are not beautiful or profound, but they exist because I needed them to exist. I made space to meet with that part of myself, and it was magic.

And it is magic still; I do it every single day. But my focus on making things for other people to see and love has caused me to lose sight of what is so special about that.

I create because I am alive. There is nothing more to it.

I have been trying to think of my daily doodles and writing as magic containers of time rather than exercises that will move me closer to making something “good”, and it has been a joy. I spend hours doodling and writing just because I want to, and I am so happy in that space. It has also been very fun to see how my journaling has changed, especially since drawing became such a big part of my life.

I hope you find time to meet with your creative spirit today, whatever that means to you. It will always be there waiting for you to be ready to listen.

<3